Worth Fighting For
Part 1 – Love Wins
Leader Guide
Although we start many of our relationships with a compromising attitude or even a romantic type of love, that can fade. We can begin to think of our look at relationships and marriages as mostly conflicts and arguments. When that happens, we develop a me-first, “my rights,” competitive viewpoint. How can we flip the narrative and give love a chance to win in all our relationships, from marriages to families to workplaces, and friends?
What you will need: A Bible or your Bible app, a notebook, pen, and highlighter. The verses highlighted below are linked so that you can easily access them during your study time.
Jump Start
Leader: This section is designed to get discussions started, examine God’s truth, and apply it to our week. Life Group leaders should not assume everyone in their group is a Christ follower. Because they are taking part in a Life Group, they must have some openness to knowing more, exploring. Pray for the Holy Spirit to work and let Him lead you as well.
1. Do you look to podcasts, research, and others for relational advice before turning to the Word of God? Is there a verse you remember when you are dealing with a relationship issue?
Leader’s Note: Here are some samples. Be sure to think about it and be ready to share your own. Luke 6:31, Ephesians 4:26, Proverbs 10:19, Proverbs 27:15, John 15:13.
2. Read Ephesians 5:25-29. What is the first direction given? How does a husband “give himself up” for his wife? How did Christ do this for us? How can we look to scripture for answers for a good marriage?
Leader’s Note: The first direction is to love. Then love is as Christ did: in a sacrificial manner, treating her as splendid, holy, helping her into spiritual well-being. The passage continues that husbands should nurture and cherish, just as they cherish and take care of their own needs. This applies to both spouses, but women do find it easier to reciprocate this love and cherishing if they are being shown plenty of loving actions. It does not always come as naturally for men to express love, nurturing, and caring.
3. Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-5. Is the love described in this passage an action or feeling? Is it some of both? Are all the attributes positive? What words describe love in these verses? Which of the “do or don’t do” actions listed are you excelling at or struggling with?
Leader’s Note: Love is described as an action, or series of actions. It is the choice to treat others with patience and kindness. It is also described in terms of “what not to do.” That’s helpful! “Do this. Don’t do this” seems clear.
4. Read Ephesians 4:1-2. What is our calling as Christians, as described by Paul? How does this apply to your closest relationships (spouse, parents, friends)? How does it apply to acquaintances, such as coworkers or serving team / Life Group members? Read Ephesians 4:2 in another translation. What insights do you gain from different verbiage?
Leader’s Note: Our calling is to have peace with others. To love with humility and patience. This is how you bear with others: you have patience with them when they are irritating and unwilling to change. In the NKJV, “humble” becomes “lowliness.” We do not want to lower ourselves below our opponent / adversary in the conflict. We surely do not want to have “a longsuffering” kind of patience. We want quick patience, rewarded by them changing or capitulating. But God’s mercy endures forever. To live out our calling to be like Jesus, we need longsuffering love and patience.
5. Read 1 Corinthians 13:5-8. How does love react to the truth? What does it mean that love never ends? Why does our human love so often seem to end? Is it difficult for you to believe that love never ends?
Leader’s Note: Love extends grace. Instead of wanting our own way, real love wants God’s way and God’s truth to prevail. This is the opposite of rudeness, selfishness, and pouting resentment. God’s way comes back to a patient, kind, self-sacrificing grace. Love, empowered by God, will get us over the parts where we want to give up. God’s love for us lasts forever. If we appropriate His love for others, if we love them as He loves us, love will not fail.
6. Action Step: Will you focus on the good qualities of your spouse, or the relationship you want to work on, for ten minutes every day this week? If you are married, will you commit to a prayer time with your spouse? Is there a commitment (like date night or laying down your phone when you get home) which you have made in the past but which you need to renew? Maybe it’s to be at work on time. Can you recommit to serving your boss or friend this way? Is there someone you need to forgive? If so, begin to talk to God about giving you His kind of love and mercy. If appropriate, go to them and offer forgiveness.
Leader’s Note: As we focus on the good, the bad doesn’t seem as challenging to overcome. As we take positive actions, our feelings of love grow. We may gain trust with the other person. Forgiving someone else will give us freedom to love as God loves.
7. Pray: Lord, please show me my areas of weakness. I admit to you that I am impatient and selfish in my relationships. I hold grudges and don’t readily offer forgiveness. Help me to be humble. Help me to love with a godly, sacrificial love. Help me not demand my own way, but support others and fight for Your truth and mercy. In Jesus’ Name I pray. Amen.
Deeper
Leader: This section is designed for further use in your Life Group or for personal study. These can also be used as discussion points and ways to stay connected with your group throughout the week. Encourage your group to take time daily to walk through these questions.
Read through the short book of Ruth this week. Although this is not a marriage relationship, it is often cited at weddings. Ruth made a life-changing, forever commitment to her mother-in-law Naomi. What can you learn about relationships from this example?
9. Read Ruth 1:8-9: How did Naomi show love? What did Naomi suggest her daughters-in-law do? (LN: Naomi expressed gratitude towards each of them. While she may have wanted them to go with her, she wanted what was best for them. She blesses them with kind words. In her grief and loss, she does not act selfishly but is humble and wants the best for those she loves).
8. Read Ruth 1:11-14: What emotions was Naomi feeling? How do Orpah and Ruth respond? (LN: Naomi feels alone and forgotten by God. She wants to do the right thing for her daughters-in-law, but she is also devastated. Notice how “love does not demand its own way” in Naomi’s actions. Orpah “obeys” Naomi and leaves, but Ruth stays.)
9. Read Ruth 1:15-18: How did Ruth respond to the challenges her mother-in-law faced? (LN: Even during hardship, pain, and grief of losing her own husband, Ruth was still able to act in love. She showed Naomi her love through loyalty and going through Naomi’s problems with her rather than stepping away. She had made and reconfirms a lifetime commitment to her husband’s family.)
10. Read Ruth 3:9-12: When Ruth asks Boaz to redeem her, how does she act honorably? How does Boaz respond? How is he a precursor or “type” of Christ? (LN: Ruth approaches the nearest family relative, according to the customs of the time, a man who was unmarried, had financial means, and a good reputation. She did not chase after other men or act immorally. Boaz reassures Ruth that he will protect her. In verse 12 he also reminds Ruth of the promises of God – that “there is a redeemer nearer than I.” He means a relative closer than he in relationship, but it is a reference to our Kinsman-Redeemer, Jesus Christ, who has turned our grief and loss into salvation and joy.)
11. Read Ruth 4:13-18: Who was born in Ruth’s family after Obed’s son Jesse? Why is the genealogy of David included? (LN: God was able to use Ruth to be a part of the lineage of Jesus. Though she was of a foreign people, she forsook her gods and clung to God and His people. God knew all along what Ruth would go through and that it would be a part of a bigger plan. It is the same today. God wants to use marriages and relationships in a bigger plan to further His purposes).