Part 1 - Adding Value to Your Relationships
Leader Guide
The relationships we already have really, really matter, whether for good or bad. If we want to add value and strengthen our relationships, we need to start with what we say or don’t say. The words we speak can injure, tear down, and destroy. However, they also have the power to heal, build up, and empower.
What you will need: A Bible or your Bible app, a notebook, pen, and highlighter. The verses highlighted below are linked so that you can easily access them during your study time.
Jump Start
Leader: This section is designed to get discussions started, examine God’s truth, and apply it to our week. Life Group leaders should not assume everyone in their group is a Christ follower. Because they are taking part in a Life Group, they must have some openness to knowing more, exploring. Pray for the Holy Spirit to work and let Him lead you as well.
1. In the message, we heard: “Mama Said, ‘Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.’” What relationship advice did your parents or guardians give you? How have you seen these play out in your life and in your family’s life? Read Proverbs 13:20. How and where are you actively “walking with the wise”? What qualities make a person “wise” in our world right now?
Leader’s Note: We all have had (or maybe your kids have had) “loser” friends. Hardly ever do they pull us up; typically, they pull us down. The whole group tends to sink to the “lowest common denominator” in any situation. This is why God says be careful about your friends. Choose to associate, “walk with,” and listen to wise counselors. Many verses tell us to watch our words and guard our hearts for the same reason!
2. Read 1 Thessalonians 5:11 and Proverbs 27:9. Think of your three to five closest friends. What are some of the ways you build up and encourage one another? What is something you do that you need to do more or less of to build up, not tear down? Have you experienced the sweetness of a friend’s wise counsel? Share if you can.
Leader’s Note: Positive things: Serve with others, inspire them, check in on each other; spend time together. Talk can even be a hard truth but done in love and to build the other person up. Things to avoid would be sarcasm, teasing, forgetting to pray or check on your friends.
3. Read 1 Thessalonians 5:12-14. First, what are you called to do in these verses? Who are you instructed to apply this verse to? Read these verses and discuss further who we are to respect and honor: 1 Corinthians 16:16, Philippians 2:29, and Hebrews 13:7. What are some ways you can encourage the “faint-hearted”? How do we adjust our relationships to be more encouraging?
Leader’s Note: We are told to respect, esteem, and be at peace. Who? Our coworkers in the ministry and family of God, plus those who are in spiritual authority over us, and then peace is to be among us all. We need to honor and appreciate people who will gently call us out and “admonish” us. Challenging us is a form of encouragement also. Anyone who refreshes and pours into you God’s trust and admonition to live for Jesus should be loved and respected, not dismissed. We also need to encourage the faint of heart by talking about good, pure, godly things. Not about politics and worries and criticisms. Being negative does not produce anything good. We need to focus on God-given dreams, talents, solutions, and next steps.
4. Read Proverbs 27:5-6. What is one thing you must do if you wish other Godly friends to speak into your life? How do you accept criticism? What is one thing you must not do? Is there someone you allow to speak into your life? Do you ask them questions, such as “How can I be a better....”?
Leader’s Note: We need to give people permission to speak into our lives. We need to listen, without being defensive or argumentative. We need to give them the green light and actually question them on specific issues in our lives.
5. Action Step: Where do you want to be in a year? Who do you want to be in a year? Who are the friends around you who will help you get there? What first step is God calling you to make in your relationships? What positive things must you begin to do right now to become the most encouraging person in those relationships and live a life that refreshes others? Read 1 Thessalonians 5:15-17 for some specifics!
Leader’s Note: Striving for peace and being patient are huge actions! Sometimes, just being there to listen is the most important thing we can do. Additionally, someone has to make the first step towards peace, encouragement, reconciliation.
Deeper
Leader: This section is designed for further use in your Life Group or for personal study. These can also be used as discussion points and ways to stay connected with your group throughout the week. Encourage your group to take time daily to walk through these questions.
6. Our words are like bricks. We can use them to build something great, or we can throw them at people and do serious damage. Remember a time when you experienced the power of words, either to build up or to tear down. Read Proverbs 18:20-21 and Ephesians 4:29-32.
7. The words we speak do not randomly fall off the tips of our tongues. They come from a specific location: our hearts. Do you tend to use your words more to encourage others or belittle them? If you often use unkind words, is there a particular person coming to your mind? How would you say that relates to the condition of your heart in relation to that person, in relation with God, or in relation to past hurts in general? Read Luke 6:45, Ephesians 4:31-32, James 3:1-12, Proverbs 26:18-19, and Ephesians 5:4.
8. What is one word, phrase, or attitude you need to stop using or having this week? What is one word, phrase, or attitude you need to start using or having this week?
9. Every word we speak has a purpose. Whether we are in a casual conversation, a work meeting, joking around with friends, or in a full-on verbal argument, our words have an impact. When we become people who are known for using our words to encourage, love, strengthen, and empower others, we will see God working in our lives. Right now, take a few minutes to pray. Ask God to help you think before you speak and to help you evaluate and improve the condition of not just your words, but of your heart.