GOOD, BAD, AND GRACE
Susan Murray
Today’s Scripture: “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” Ephesians 4:31, ESV
Theme: Don’t let anger control you – or your internal or external voice.
GOOD AND ANGRY
I watched my son play in our yard with the boy from next door. To my horror, this boy pushed my son down. I was immediately angry and went out to address this “evil.” I warned the little boy that this was not to happen again, or I would speak to his mother. Surprisingly, I remained calm but firm. He immediately looked down, seemingly embarrassed that he had been caught and was apologetic. The boys continued to play.
Anger at injustice is righteous anger. God is angry and it is holy anger (Psalms 78:31, Ezekiel 43:8). Anger can give a person the energy needed to address a harmful sin in order to restore the beauty of the relationship. In Dan Allender’s book, Cry of the Soul; How Our Emotions Revel the Deepest Questions About God, he writes; “Righteous anger warns, invites, and wounds for the greater work of redemption. It is full of strength that is neither defensive nor vindictive, and it is permeated by a sadness that is rich in desire and hope.” So, anger can bring attention to a wrong with an invitation to repentance and saturated with hope for restoration.
BAD AND ANGRY
A close family member did something (again!) that harmed our relationship. I was hurt and angry. If I started with righteous anger, it didn’t last more than a milli-second. My anger (which I held inside) became ungodly and yet felt right to me. I wanted to protect myself from ever being hurt again, so in my usual run-away fashion, I shut down and kept my distance. I was hoping they would notice and say something, so then I could let them know how badly they had acted towards me. (I know, it’s passive aggressive, manipulative, and unloving.) I was not desiring reconciliation because it felt too risky, too vulnerable. Staying angry felt safe, providing a sense of control while avoiding grief.
Wanting out of this relationship entered my mind and its entertainment offered the promise of relief. My anger had become unrighteous and destructive; I knew it and, for a moment, I didn’t care. I sat on the porch swing, struggling with my feelings of pain, anger, guilt, and confusion. That evening, I waged a battle between competing desires; movement toward restoration (which required forgiveness and I can’t yet!) and a desire for their repentance (which I could not control) versus the destruction of the relationship. I prayed, then fumed, prayed, then fumed, back and forth repeatedly. I felt like a horrible Christian because of this battle. Then suddenly, I felt comfort, realizing that my internal conflict was between the Holy Spirit within me and my sinful flesh (Galatians 5:17). This is what is meant by a spiritual battle! There was hope. I knew that God was with and for me and I was able to move toward forgiveness, open up, and risk engaging again. We were able to talk through the issues, restoring our relationship with repentance and forgiveness offered and received by both parties.
ANGER TO GRACE
We are told in James 1:19b-20 (ESV), to be “slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” That tells me that my anger is rarely--if ever—just, good, righteous anger. Usually, our anger is unrighteous, unholy anger; therefore, it needs to be slow, not quick. “Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly” Proverbs 14:29, ESV). Anger can be a quiet internal simmer or a loud explosion of fury. Despite the mode of expression, anger is mostly due to a desire or a goal being blocked. James 4:1-3 says that our anger occurs when we don’t get what we want. We want others to serve us instead of us serving them. This includes objects as well. (Have you ever thrown an object that wasn’t working?) Ultimately, all anger is toward God, doubting His goodness, attempting to gain life on our own.
The book of Ephesians starts out with the theology of grace. In fact, all of Paul’s New Testament letters start with the Gospel theology of grace as the foundation on which the practical applications in the daily struggle to live as Christians are made possible.
Putting off anger (Ephesians 4:31) and all its forms is not something that magically happens by telling myself, “Don’t be angry” or “Be angry and don’t sin”. I need something greater than willpower. I need my heart to be humbled in order to genuinely take off unrighteous anger. John Newton (author of the hymn “Amazing Grace”) wrote in a letter, “Whoever is truly humbled -- will not be easily angry, nor harsh or critical of others. He will be compassionate and tender to the infirmities of his fellow-sinners, knowing that if there is a difference — it is grace alone which has made it!”
We are only able to exchange bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and malice (Ephesians 4:31) with kindness, tenderness and forgiveness (v32) by the Spirit. We are able when we see Jesus taking all of God’s wrath that we deserve on the cross, so we instead can receive God’s kindness and forgiveness. We can take off the old identity of “sinner” under God’s wrath and put on the new identity of “beloved child of God.” “See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are” --- now and forever (I John 3:1, ESV).
Make It Personal: Who are you angry with today? Who are you holding a grudge against, for a failure from a long time ago? Do you desire justice? Wait patiently for God and ponder the wonders of His grace for your own failures until your anger towards others is replaced by love. Then you can move forward, rich in hope toward the possibility of reconciliation.
Pray: Father, Your love is perfect in every way. You do no wrong. Your anger is justified and holy. My love is weak, and my anger most often is unholy and selfish. Forgive me. Remind me of Your grace, which is mine in Jesus, until my heart is softened. You took Your own blows of wrath on Jesus so I could receive Your gentleness and mercy: “But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed” (Isaiah 53:5, NIV). What grace!! Help me to put off my old self and put on my new self as Your beloved child. Then and only then will I become forgiving, merciful, kind, and tender. A-men
Read: Psalms 7:11-13; Nahum 1:1-3; Isaiah 53:5-6; Psalms 37:8; Psalm 4:4; I Thessalonians 1:10; 5:9
Weekly Memory Verse: "Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32, NLT