CONFESSION OF AN APPROVAL ADDICT
Susan Murray
Today’s Scripture: ““So have no fear of them, for nothing is covered that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known.” Matthew 10:26, ESV
Theme: Don’t be afraid of what people say about you.
APPROVAL ADDICT
I am a recovering approval addict. My heart needs the approval of others to feel peaceful and acceptable. In other words, approval means “all's right with the world.” My heart soars with joy when I feel approved (real or imagined), then becomes downcast when approval is absent or disapproval present. This means that my security and identity are totally dependent upon other's opinion of me.
This results in many painful relationship issues. I try to be and say what others want (or what I think they want) instead of being myself. The result is dishonesty regarding the truth (“they must be right”/”I must be wrong”), insecurity, hiding or showing off, avoidance of conflict or volatile anger, resentments, or apologizing for things which are not my fault. All around not having a mind and will of my own. It’s like standing on shifting sands because I don’t have control over what others think of me, even though I try.
DIRTY DECK
When my oldest granddaughter graduated from kindergarten, we planned a party for her at our house. Due to the number of people coming, we planned to have it outside on the back deck. The deck needed pressure washing but procrastination and broken equipment meant the deck did not get cleaned as hoped. I attempted to scrub it without success, leaving me frustrated and angry. I was so angry that I walked back into the house, fussing out loud, slamming the door behind me. At that moment, I asked God, “Why am I so angry?” His reply whispered into my heart: “You want ‘clean deck’ righteousness.”
Although having a clean deck is a good thing, I had made it the ultimate thing. I feared feeling the shame of being seen by others as not being a good deck owner. My identity was tied to it instead of being tied to the righteousness that Christ purchased for me on the cross. In that moment, I confessed and repented to God the sin of pride and self-sufficiency. I believed again in God’s grace, giving me the irrevocable identity of being His adopted daughter. I was able to have the party without feelings of shame and without making excuses for my dirty deck. I was free.
APPROVED ADDICT
Still, I struggle with this addiction. Yet I recognize it quicker and repent of it faster. I cannot conquer this addiction by just telling myself to try harder not to care. Instead, I have to replace this need by pondering and cherishing the approval purchased for me by Christ on the cross. My name is not, “dirty deck owner;” my name is “child of God.” Jay Packer stated: “The only eyes whose opinion matters in the universe finds you more precious than the jewels that lie beneath the earth.” This means that God sees you and me as beautiful…because of Jesus. That and only that will break the chains of approval addiction.
Make It Personal: Whose opinion of you matters more to you than God’s? Do you think God is unhappy with you because you did something wrong? He is not. Take time today and every day to remind yourself that you are God’s child. Ponder and meditate on what it cost Him to adopt you until you love Him as He loves you. Then you won’t need to worry about what others think of you or what you think of yourself. God’s approval trumps all others.
Pray: Father, we praise You for Your grace; the undeserved favor that You give us. Forgive us when we trust more in other people’s approval than in Yours. It cost Your Son’s life to be able to give us Your approval. Help our hearts to be warmed in Your love and approval until it pushes all others’ opinions out of our hearts.
Read: Psalm 27:1, 13-14, 34:3-5, 46:1-3; Romans 8:14-16; I Peter 3: 13-15
Weekly Memory Verse:
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me. Psalm 23:4, ESV