GIVING MORE THAN MY FAIR SHARE
Carey Madding
Today's Scripture: “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Colossians 3:17, ESV
Theme: Our focus in all things, including our most intimate relationships, is to keep God at the center and to remain thankful.
FIFTY-FIFTY
As children, we learn to share candy, take turns being captain, or swapping out who has the most desired toy. But we learn incorrectly. We try to always keep everything “even.” We split the candy bar fifty-fifty; in fact, the one who cuts or breaks it does not get to choose the first piece. Keeping it fair is the whole goal!
Yet this is not the way Jesus lived His life. He teaches there is no quid pro quo; no tit for tat; no keeping score. He loves unconditionally, even us sinners. He laid down His life in obedience to His Father, not in expectation of our acceptance of His great gift. He gave His all for us; He gave it all even for me.
THE KEY
Even in our deepest, most intimate relationships, the Lord’s commandments apply. “Love the Lord your God; Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37–40, paraphrased). Instead of loving fifty percent and expecting my partner to meet me halfway, I am called to love him as I love myself (which I have no trouble doing with one hundred percent abandon). If I strive for that, maybe I will love and serve him with at least eighty-percent success, and he will do likewise. Even if he does not, my goal is to serve him as I would serve the Lord, and love as I love myself, with all my heart and soul.
IN THE LITTLE WAYS
This love can be shown in so many ways: words of praise and affirmation; acts of service; quality time; gifts; physical touch (The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman). The small, daily acts of caring accrue over time. The folded clothes, the tender touches, the home-cooked meal, or the romantic dinner out: these can signify love and care. So, choose acts of self-denial: your spouse’s favorite hobby or restaurant, not yours. Decor that suits his or her taste a bit more than it suits yours. Even in the marital bed, be selfless: each should put the other’s physical pleasure first.
It sounds like such a sacrifice! But God’s ways are not our ways. Self-denial leads to fulfillment. In the same discourse where Jesus tells us He lays down His life for His sheep of His own accord, He tells us that He came so that we might have life and have it abundantly. The Message translates it this way: “I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of” (John 10:10b, MSG). I cannot guarantee your spouse will in turn love and serve you with a total lack of selfishness, though I would expect that your selfless love would result in some positive changes in your marriage. In your struggles to love and serve, seek God's direction. It is always better to live as He directs and as Jesus modeled.
Make It Personal: We all want our own way, our own preferences, and our needs met first. Consider the ways that your needs are being met, and your preferences are being considered, and give thanks for those. Sometimes being thankful even for the smallest things helps us reset. It is a minute-by-minute choice to put others before yourself. The nearer, more intimate the relationship, the more likely we can be to “revert to type” and stop putting on a polite facade. However, this is exactly where we should be the most loving, the most Christ-like, and the most sacrificial. If it is easy for you to express your displeasure, consider: Where are you demanding your rights or your way? List five ways you could love your spouse—and show your love—by loving him or her as you love yourself?
Note: If you feel your relationship is abusive or your partner’s demands unreasonable, seek help: a counselor, a prayer team member, a Life Group leader, or a Cove staff member. An outside perspective can help you see and hear God and His plan, your next steps, or a way forward.
Pray: Lord, please help me to love others well. Help me as I seek You and serve as You did, especially those closest to me. Give me the grace to love and serve them just as I want to be loved and serve myself. Help me not to focus on being fair or keeping score. Help me remain thankful for my relationships. I recognize and thank You for the kindness and love that You have shown me. I want to intentionally lay down my pride and selfishness, generously offering kindness and love to others. In Jesus' Name, amen.
Read: John 10:7-18; Matthew 22:37–40
Weekly Memory Verse: “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’” Genesis 2:18, ESV